Giving up

This is a sad post.  I have spent the last 15 months devoted to Poptart, to helping him become a safe, confident endurance horse.  I have somewhat achieved the endurance horse part of the equation.  He is an entirely different, much more confident and more able horse than the one I picked up from Days End Farm and Horse Rescue last year.  I generally only post publicly about our achievements or superficial challenges, I don't typically share more personal feelings except with close friends and family.  However, since day one I have struggled to feel safe with Poptart. He is a very emotional and reactive horse, he can have some impressive reactions that look something like a cross between a jack rabbit and kangaroo.  We have achieved a 200% improvement in his reactions and my safety.  In the last 2 months his progress has been excellent, he is more obedient, lighter to the aids, and we have had some fantastic liberty play. However, what has been made even more evident by the significant improvements in communication/training is that regardless of his knowledge and desire to please he is still a reactive and emotional horse.  He is a horse that, for your personal safety, you have to ride 100% of the time (per Jaime's recent blog, https://greento100.wordpress.com/ Poptart does not 'fill-in' for the rider).  It should have been a big red flag when I needed to buy an expensive safety vest just to ride him at home (not that safety equipment isn't a good idea regardless).  But I am very persistent and strongly believed that with a enough time, patience, and effort I could build his confidence to the point that I would be comfortable riding him.

I reached the point (actually reached it a long time ago, but I can be quite stubborn) where riding is not fun; I have anxiety in the pit of my stomach every time I think about riding Poptart.  I even considered giving up horses entirely because they are so much work, money, and effort and if it is not fun then what is the point?  Then I rode Rogan (my steady-eddy QH/warmblood cross), and while he is like F350 compared to a Ferrari, it was amazing! I walked, trotted, cantered without fear! I thought his little rambunctious canter protest crowhops were fun. He was stiff in his shoulders and it was fun to practice stretching him through lateral work. I then walked the trail around my house without anxiety for the first time in many  months. Riding is actually fun!

This was a very hard moment, involving lots of tears. I came to the realization that I do not enjoy riding Poptart, it is scary and work instead of fun.  I do not think more time and practice or persistance will change his innate spirit and playful personality.  I love him and think he is an absolutely amazing endurance horse, but not with me. He needs a different rider with more confidence, a rider that can trust Poptart so he can then trust his rider.

As I adopted him from DEFHR http://www.defhr.org/ I am contacting them about returning him so he can be adopted to a more suitable rider.  If any of you are looking for spirited endurance horse he will be amazing and I am happy to answer any and all questions.  He is a 2010 Polish Arabian gelding by Equifor (bred by Canterbury Farms in Maryland), 14.2 H,  800 lbs, excellent solid bone/legs, and pulses down faster than you can untack him at vet checks.  He loves to roll in sand and would prefer to live outside with large herd.